I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
