i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
