yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He shit in the fireplace
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