walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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