Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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