arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
sarcasm needs its own font
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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