guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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