she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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