her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
