I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
