and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
He did a backflip because drugs
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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