i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
