even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
