8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
