Will you blow on my dice?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
