Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
