I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
