My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
