he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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