If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
The ass gains better be worth it
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
