Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
even my farts smell like vagina
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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