in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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