bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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