what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
