Sry I called you an 8
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize