I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
