I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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