it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
