How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize