What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
