Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
