So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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