The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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