chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
