just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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