She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
