My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
