Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
