I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
