you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
