Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
