How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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