If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
