So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
