Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
