her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
