I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
