my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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