Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
