Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
