He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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