I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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