how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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