Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
