She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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