And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
