the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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