mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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