you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you inspire me to be a worse person
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
