I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
