So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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