There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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