you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
