there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
