K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
