Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
