I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
