I'm jealous of your bromance
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
