as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
