It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
