Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
