The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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