Your mouth is God's brothel.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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