I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
