White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
