Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize