So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize