is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
