i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
we're so committed to being not committed
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
