So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
