my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
