So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
