We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize