i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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