My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
