Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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