just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
