problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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