btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
the day after is always just damage control
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Randomize
