this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
